Not many people understand what it’s like living with chronic illness. Even fewer realize what it’s like living with someone who has a chronic illness. The stress and pressure that you face every day watching the person you love go through something you have no ability to control, and even less ability to help. Those people who stick it out through the hard times and are there no matter how tough it gets are heroes.
No body goes into a relationship expecting it to be all sunshine and rainbows all the time. That’s just unrealistic nonsense. They also don’t go into a relationship expecting their partner to be sick. Nobody signs up to have to take care of someone for the rest of their lives. They do it because that person, the one who is sick, is who they want. They see through the sickness and the hard days and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I personally got extremely lucky with my significant other. I got diagnosed five months into our relationship and spent a week in the hospital over Christmas. He never once left my side. There are those who say they can handle it, they try to stick it out, they try to stay. Nobody is prepared for how hard it really is. Nobody blames them for leaving. The hardest thing you can ever do is watch the person you love suffer and there not be a thing you can do about it. This I know from personal experience. You always ask how the patient is doing and how they’re feeling, but nobody checks on their partner.
It’s lonely and frustrating at times. The bad times can get really bad. That light I was talking about are the good days. And we do have them. They are the days that we are ourselves, we are the person that they fell in love with. The same person they still see every time they look into our eyes. They never waver. Those people, the people that stay are our saviors. They are the solid foundation that our shaky lives need.
Chronic illness takes a tole on everyone. I cannot express that enough. It’s a personal disease with systemic effects. We focus a lot of our time and energy on ourselves and our healing. I would like to encourage you to focus some of that energy on the person sitting next to you. They feel the same fear and anxiety you feel. When you hurt, they hurt. It might not be in the same way, but it’s there. The helplessness, the feeling of losing hope.
Loving someone like us is scary. They never know what to expect. They worry about saying and doing the right things. Together as a couple you even worry about things like living wills and what to do if, god forbid, something was to happen. Throw children into the mix and you have the perfect storm.
The people that stay by our sides are warriors too. They’re survivors just like we are. They might not be fighting the same kind of battle, but they are fighting. They fight to love us, they fight to take care of us, and sometimes they fight for us against ourselves.
They are the heroes of this story. So, turn to your partner and take a good look at them. Maybe you see their stress and worry, or maybe you see the hope in their eyes. Hope that things will get better, that the two of you are still yourselves despite everything going on. No matter how tough the going gets, remember, you have each other. If you can make it through the stress of chronic illness, you can make it through anything.
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